On May 22, I was invited to speak to The Counselor, Social
Worker, and Marriage and Family Therapist Board in Ohio to share my experiences
with trying to change my sexual orientation.
This was part of an on-going conversation by the board to determine how
they can best respond to the practice of conversion therapy with minors. I was honored to be able to share my story
with them. The discussion of this
particular method of treatment has increased tremendously since the suicide
death of Cincinnati transgender teenager, Leelah Alcorn. In Leelah’s suicide note, she cited her
parents’ having taken her to see Christian counselors as one of the
contributing factors in her decision to end her life. She also made a plea within her note that
those of us she was leaving behind that she wanted her death to be “counted in
the number of transgender people who commit suicide this year.” She also asked that we “fix society.” I don’t know that we will ever completely fix
this, but I will not stop talking until we do. I do not know what it is like to grow up
transgender. I don’t know what it is
like to be forced into counseling to change who I am against my will by my
parents, but I do know what it is to grow up as a young gay man in a small
town. I know what it is to feel fear and
shame, fearing that you will never be able to fully disclose to anyone who you
really are. I know that it is for that
internalized self-loathing to drive you, as an adult, to plead to a pastor that
he help you “fix” this part of yourself that everything around you seems to be
telling you is broken.
Fortunately, I also know what it is to trust God enough to
step out of that fear and into another kind of fear. I know what it is to walk away from
everything you know, not knowing what lies ahead, but trusting that God is
going to be there to catch you. I know
that it is to walk away from your whole world to find that there is a whole new
one waiting for you, a world in which you are embraced and respected for who
you are. I know what it is to allow
myself time to heal, to search, and to discover a notion of God and of love far
greater than I ever could have imagined before.
I cringe to think that so many see Christians, and all people of faith,
as collectively condemning and judgmental.
Is that perspective represented among the faith community? Absolutely.
I see them every June at every Pride festival I go to. They carry their bullhorns and their black
signs with bold yellow and white letters, but, every year, their numbers seem
to dwindle, leaving fewer and fewer on the sidewalks to spread their hate and
condemnation. I sit here typing this as
a full time seminary student pursuing a Masters in Counseling so that I can
help to heal the hurts that are inflicted upon so many in the name of faith.
On June 2nd, I mailed a thank you letter to The
Ohio Counselor, Social Worker, and Marriage and Family Therapist Board. I believe that the board genuinely wants to do what is best, but there are limits on the scope of what they can do. We need legislation in place at the national and/or state level that bans this type of "treatment." We all need to do our part to make certain that our elected officials know that we do not support this kind of efforts to change someone's sexual orientation or gender identity. Hopefully, my words and the voices of so many
others that have been wounded by efforts to change who we are can make a difference
and bring and end to this dangerous and harmful therapy. The contents of my thank you letter are below:
Dear Members of the Board:
I want to thank you for allowing me to be a part of your
discussion surrounding the practice of conversion therapy. As someone who is pursuing a Masters in
Counseling from the Methodist Theological School in Ohio (MTSO) with hopes of
someday being licensed by this Board as a Licensed Professional Counselor, it
was an honor to sit among you and to share my story, the story that has driven
me to want to do this work with you. I
regret that my commitments to my employer and to the running clock of a parking
meter forced me to have to leave before the discussion was concluded.
I hope that the sharing of my experiences, while they did
not occur in a clinical setting, allowed you to get a glimpse of how harmful
the practice of trying to change someone’s sexual orientation can be. I am one of the fortunate ones. When I sat before you that afternoon, I was
doing so as a man six years removed from those experiences. I have had time to come to peace with my
spiritual and my sexual identities, two parts of myself that used to be in
conflict. I have found community and
belonging in terms of the professional, personal, and spiritual aspects of my
life. About eighteen months ago, I also began
seeing a psychologist to help me work through unresolved grief issues related
to the abrupt separation from my previous faith community. In short, I have had time to heal, to gain
perspective, and to grow from an experience that was, at the time, quite
traumatizing and still leaves me with lingering triggers that I have to be conscious
of.
Not all people who are lesbian, gay, bisexual, or
transgender have the benefit of being able to go through the process that I
have in order to put themselves back together after such a traumatic
experience. This is especially true in
the case of young teenagers such as Leelah Alcorn. Sadly, Leelah is just one young person who
was subjected to this type of effort to change who she was. There are so many other stories, many of
which we will never hear because the voices of those individuals have been
silenced by fear and oppression or, tragically, because they have taken the
step to end their own lives. In Leelah’s
suicide note, she explained that she had been taken by her mother to see,
“christian therapists (who were all very biased).” She also said that she was told by these
counselors that she was “selfish and wrong” and that she should “look to God
for help.”
As a student at a Christian seminary, I fear having labels
applied to me in my future professional life such as ‘Christian counselor’ or
‘biblical counselor.’ I chose to pursue
my education at MTSO because, as someone who has suffered harm at the hands of
the faith community, I see both the tremendous good as well as the tremendous
harm that can come from people of faith.
It is important to me that I am able to speak to and address with
comfort, the spiritual aspects of a client’s life that they might bring with
them to a counseling session, regardless of their personal faith perspective or
religious beliefs; however, while my personal beliefs might serve as a guide
and drive to serve the client with empathy and compassion, I do not believe
that it is appropriate for me to bring my own spiritual beliefs and convictions
into a session with a client to be used as measure against which the client
should be compared. I believe that
placing one’s personal religious beliefs ahead of one’s clinical training and
professional judgment can be dangerous.
In Ohio, it is illegal to drive an automobile or ride in the
front passenger seat without wearing a seatbelt. This law exists because it was determined
that not wearing a seatbelt is dangerous and potentially deadly. We have laws against the smoking of
cigarettes in public places because it has been determined that it can have
negative health impacts on others who are nearby, even though they are not
smokers themselves. From my perspective,
conversion therapy for minors is the therapeutic equivalent of placing a child
in the front passenger seat of an automobile against their will, not securing
them with a seatbelt, and allowing them to be driven off by someone smoking a
cigarette with the windows rolled up and a history of reckless driving. That may seem like an extreme example to
some, but I feel that it is a pretty accurate depiction of what is being
allowed to happen.
Ohio leaders recognize that this harmful practice needs to
be stopped. On the same day as my
meeting with you, Ohio Senator Sherrod Brown announced the Stop Harming Our
Kids Resolution of 2015. As part of his
announcement, Senator Brown said, “Conversion therapy is not therapeutic and
has no place in our society. Experts
agree that the practice is harmful, ineffective, and should not be used in
health care facilities or counseling centers.
We must take steps to protect minors from the emotional trauma that
conversion therapy can cause and stand in support of policies that are
inclusive of the LGBT community.” I
agree with his words, and I hope that this Board will do all that it can to
live into the call to action that is contained within them.
Sincerely,
Joshua Culbertson
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