One week ago today, I was sitting
in the John Glenn International Airport in Columbus, OH waiting to board a
flight to Chicago where I would catch a connecting flight to Newark, NJ. It was
my birthday. I’d already spent the day up until that point working, and I knew
that I would be spending the rest of the day in the air or in airports, getting
into Newark just before midnight, but I knew that I was flying to join friends,
comrades and colleagues in the struggle for full inclusion within the United
Methodist Church. Full inclusion, such a nice sterile way of saying that I wish
my church would stop wounding those who are lesbian, gay, bisexual,
transgender, queer, questioning, non-binary, and anyone else who doesn’t fit
within the crosshairs of cisgender hetero-normativity that the church holds as
the only acceptable way of being in the world, as if they have the right to
look at Creation and say that what the Creator has made is not good.
A few days after my arrival, the
United Methodist Church’s equivalent of the Supreme Court, the Judicial
Council, would be ruling on the constitutionality (according to church law, not
real law) of the election, consecration, and appointment of Bishop Karen
Oliveto as well as the rights of the Boards of Ordained Ministry in Upstate New
York and Northern Illinois to choose to not include sexual orientation as
criteria for a person’s a relevant criteria for candidates for ordination.
Right now, the United Methodist Book of Discipline doesn’t contain any language
directly aimed at persons who are transgender or gender non-conforming. I’m
sure that the denomination, which laughably boasts as its motto, “open hearts,
open doors, open minds,” will remedy that oversight at some point.
I’m really trying to pull my
thoughts together in some way that is hopeful, or even helpful. It is a
struggle at this point.
I was flying into New Jersey a few
days ahead of the public portion of the Judicial Council meeting, which was
held on Tuesday, April 25th.
On Sunday and Monday, I would be in meetings with other members of the
Affirmation Council. Affirmation is the oldest LGBTQ+ supportive organization
in the United Methodist world. They are the organization that created the
Reconciling Ministries Network, and they maintain a sibling relationship with
other progressive organizations that have organized together under the umbrella
of the Love Your Neighbor Coalition. I connected with their current
understanding of their mission, which is essentially that of chaplaincy for
those who have been hurt or wounded by the actions and discriminatory policies
of the United Methodist denomination. It was great being able to spend two full
days with this small group of people, engaged in discussions about how we can
best devote our time and resources to caring for those who are hurting.
Very early on Tuesday morning, I
arose, got ready, and packed my luggage as I would be heading to the airport to
return home as soon as the public oral arguments were concluded. When we
arrived at the Hilton near Newark Penn Station to get in line for tickets in
hopes of being able to be in the room where Judicial Council was meeting, I saw
many faces that I recognized from the past two General Conferences and from
Reconciling Ministries Network convocation events. I was among friends, which
was comforting, but I couldn’t help but wonder. Where were those who thought
differently? It is clear that there are those who oppose full inclusion.
Otherwise, this fight would have been over a long time ago. Didn’t they care
enough to show up to show support for their beliefs? Apparently, that was not a
priority for them. It makes sense that many of them were probably preparing for
‘We Believe in the Church,’ a conference held by the Wesleyan Covenant
Association, a group of conservative, evangelical United Methodists who have
banded together to resist any efforts aimed at the inclusion of LGBTQ+ persons
in the denomination. Of course, as their new president and counsel for the
South Central Jurisdiction in their complaint against Bishop Oliveto Keith
Boyette will tell you, they support LGBTQ persons being included in “all
aspects of the church.” I about fell over when he said this in the hearing room
as his definition of “all aspects” clearly does not include marriage, the
pulpit, or the episcopacy.
As I am currently in my final
semester of grad school, I am currently working a part-time retail job in order
to put some cash in my pocket as I finish up an internship. I was at that job
last night. I had read from multiple sources throughout the day that the
Judicial Council probably would not deliver its ruling until Saturday, today.
As I took my 15-minute break last night, I pulled out my cell phone. As soon as
I began scrolling through my newsfeed on Facebook, I felt as if the wind had been
knocked out of me. The ruling from the court had been announced. The election
of Bishop Oliveto was declared to be illegal, and people across the
denomination were hurting. I read as much as I could before returning to work,
but a feeling of numb emptiness would be with me the rest of the evening. I
forced on a plastic smile and resumed interacting with customers, masking the
hurt that I was feeling on the inside. At the end of my shift, I sat in front
of a computer in the store’s storage room and clocked out. I sat there for a
few minutes more, scrolling through more and more expressions of hurt from so
many people. I finally managed to get up and walk to my car where I, again, sat
reading even more before I finally put the phone down and started the engine.
 |
| With Bishop Oliveto in Newark, NJ |
Today, I am still feeling the hurt
and wounding. As someone who has experienced deep hurt at the hands of
religious institutions, this is not going to be an easy one for me to get over.
I keep reminding myself that I attend a progressive church in a progressive
city with many other progressive churches. For me, my life will not change
much. I do feel called to ministry, but my calling does not require ordination
as my calling can be walked out with a state licensure in a counseling office.
I won’t lie. It has crossed my mind that maybe this is where I cross my red
line. Maybe this is where I call it quits with the church. That thought is met
by a sarcastic rebuttal from within myself though, a voice that says, “Oh. What
a privilege it must be to be you? Go
ahead. Protect yourself. Just walk away while others are hurting.”
I am not leaving the church…yet. I
have no immediate plans to do so either. Part of me is excited to possibly be
witness to the formation of something new, a new inclusive denomination or
other progressive religious structure, some new wine skins for our new wine. I
am also hopeful for the work of the Commission on the Way Forward. I am also
encouraged by the fact that, as of today, Karen Oliveto is still a bishop in
the United Methodist Church, and, regardless of where events take us from here,
she will always bear the honorific in my heart.
If you actually made it to the end
of this, thank you for listening to the outpourings of my wounded heart.
~ Culbs
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